I lot of thoughts went through my head on "that" hill. I've done a lot of pondering since then on what it said about me and what I learned.
I might die
Given the way my heart was beating and my breathing was so heavy, I really thought I might collapse. Some runners do collapse. And I didn't want to be a burden on the emergency services. And it was better to stop and go back rather than have to be carried back.
But then... I've never been really ill or badly injured. And if I was, wouldn't it be worse than this? I'm going to save my dying for when the pain is unbearable!
Others have stopped
Earlier I had convinced myself that Helen and Eileen had stopped. They had since texted me to say they were still moving forward and I knew that. But my imagination is quite a powerful thing, and having played through the 'H & E have dropped out scenario' in my head, it was hard to stop believing it. So if they had dropped out and I had got further, then it didn't matter that I didn't finish.
But then... I do know the difference between imagination an reality - no really I do!
No one would judge me
I've looked at figures for previous years and I know the drop out rate for a 100k is relatively high. So I could just be another statistic. Mot of my friends are impressed that I would even contemplate 100k, so achieving 88k would still be considered quite an achievement. Especially at my age.
But then.... I don't like failure, quitting, good enough. They call it an A type personality....
This is hard
Carrying on was going to hurt. Even if I got beyond this hill it was going to be a 'death march' to the finish. There was still a couple of hours until it was all over and I was already 'beaten up' and tired.
But then... I had wanted to do this run for a long time. I had done all the training and I was ready for this. If I didn't finish, then I would need to do it again, go through the training, spend all that time...
So in summary?
I'm a bit of a drama queen... but ultimately seriously bloody minded!
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